Walk into the cold early morning back to my room,
Everything in my mind combining to spell ‘stupid’,
Cry myself to sleep,
Thinking as if a best friend doesn’t care and won’t bother to listen
Surrounded by friends whom call themselves men,
Society gave them the thumbs after producing the semen,
As if I needed to constantly hear that,
That’s why I hide my face under a hat,
Might be the kind of day to beat douchebags with a bat,
Oh, you want me to focus my anger on the “cat?”
Well, I guess I’ll be rocking the ‘I’m a boy’ status for quite some time,
Most people seem to think sex is on a limit of time,
Love never seems to have logic,
Might not even have meaning,
Which is why I often feel stupid when it’s pertaining to the matter,
The men shake their head when I choose to wait on something that may not happen,
So I’m not sure whether or not to be happy,
To finally have such an amazing woman in my life besides my mom,
But every other man is trying to scream at me because we’re just best friends,
I wonder if they’ll finally hush if I was to bring my life to a quick end?
They haven’t been through my life,
They don’t feel my struggles,
They don’t understand how relieved I am to have a woman that even bothers to spend time with me,
Am I stupid for appreciating the little things?
Am I stupid that I’m okay if things aren’t intimate?
Am I stupid for holding in the pressure I feel from society and that I just wanna scream since they think I’m not good enough to be considered a “man?”
If that’s the case,
I don’t want love,
I don’t want intimacy,
How about I just stay away from every woman I see?
Because if that’s what it means to be a man,
I think you’ll just remember me dying as a stupid boy
Singing and dancing alone in my room with the lights off,
Walking downtown in the night while holding hands with my lover named music,
Playing video games from mornings to nights (need I say more),
Punching and kicking a bag in the combatants’ room while listening to music,
Long and warm showers while singing songs I know all the lyrics to,
Laying in the bed (enough said),
Often times having the thought of wishing you had a significant other to share memories with
What am I doing?
On what, you ask,
Not the birdy in the sky,
Not for that goodnight cry,
Not the day my parents die,
Not my last breath,
Not feeling worthless because I’ve yet to experience a intimate relationship,
Not the bullets piercing my flesh from guns held by cowards,
Not a dance I wish to have with the first woman who sees me attractive,
Not for the wife and children I think of in dreams,
Not the suicide song I wrote in high school because I was expressing my emotions in a positive way,
Not the video games that have created who I am today,
Not the days I’ve broken down and cried like a fucking baby,
Not the thought that I could be without a father now,
Not for the first time I lock souls with a woman while having sex,
No, no, no,
I’m not waiting on any of that,
And you might think I’m bluffing,
Like this son of a bitch ain’t saying shit but nonsense,
Whom the fuck are you to know what I feel?
So you ask, what am I waiting for?
I’m waiting to wait on waited waits,
It doesn’t make sense because a lot of sense tends to be dense,
So I guess,
I’m waiting on things to make sense,
Won’t even happen when I’m about to die,
So you ask, what am I waiting on,
I’m actually not waiting on sense,
The things that mean a lot and make sense to me,
So I ask you,
What are you waiting for?
If I was falling,
would you catch me?
If I was running,
would you catch up to me?
Or would you simply let me go?
I speak these words because they’re true,
Under a sky that is lightly colored blue,
Why do people not listen,
while the water will glisten?
This warm green grass heated from sun,
Keeps me comfy even if my mind isn’t fun,
Her laugh rings into my ear hole and sends shivers down my spinal cord,
She doesn’t know this and sometimes I feel unappreciated like a old cord,
That still works but nobody cares about old fashion,
Nobody longs for that old played-out passion,
They want the new and biggest type of love,
Just something for the moment,
Just something to get them off,
Nothing that can last,
Rather something that’s fast,
Makes me feel at times I came at the wrong time,
Like I should of been born later,
Because I lie here,
I speak these words because they’re true,
Under a sky that is lightly colored blue
Is there anyone out there?
I think my heart just fell on the ground,
It’s not making a sound,
They like to think I’m so ugly,
I’ll treat you like a pest,
Don’t fucking bug me,
I search for a lover,
But can’t even find her,
Cold in the veins,
Hot in the blood,
What woman is willing to take me in?